Thursday, November 20, 2008

just what I wanted to see today.

My company shares a corridor--and bathrooms--with a couple of other offices, including a boutique law firm. I approach the ladies' room from the opposite end of the corridor from which the law partners approach the men's room.

Lawyers, I've learned, are extremely efficient. For example, one of the partners is so efficient that he is in a regular habit of unbuckling, unzipping, and generally... prepping the equipment as he blasts down the hallway. It's just. lovely. Alas, this morning was not the first time I got to see much, much more than I ever wanted to.

Not that I think he's purposefully exhibiting or anything--he's so self-oriented that I doubt he's ever realized I (or anyone else, for that matter) exist. But can't it wait the extra half a second until he's in the men's room?

Also. You think a guy like that washes his hands afterwards?

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Focused on the task at hand so to speak.

Charles Gramlich said...

Ok, that's just bizarre. I don't know about his hand washing but I don't want to shake with him.

assumecrashpositions said...

Of course he washes his hands afterwards.

Just not immediately so.

Amanda said...

Eee. How awful...and weird...I mean, my four year old is sometimes so impatient that I have to remind him not to do that same thing, but an adult??

Whirlochre said...

Obviously struggling with his briefs.

Natalie said...

Ewwww. I really hope you don't have to see that again, but I would suggest laughing really loud next time. Embarrassment might help motivate him to take that extra few seconds in this case...might.

laurence timms said...

It's a safe bet he doesn't wash afterwards. After all, who's paying for the time?

AC said...

Good grief how self-absorbed can you get to ignore basic common decency?

Or maybe, you know, it's his way of flirting...eww watch out Moonie.

Crimogenic said...

I'm betting that washing his hands isn't on the agenda.

Ulysses said...

Along the lines of the "laugh" comment above, a few words that might cause the unsecured offender to reconsider his habits:

The curious: "Wow! Is it some kind of optical illusion that makes things look smaller as you get closer?"

The instructional: "Advertising doesn't always work."

The outdoorsish: "Hey, it's a hallway not a trout stream!"

The occupational I: "I'd appreciate it if you could keep your attorney-client priviledge in your briefs."

The occupational II: "You're not in court, so please stop presenting your case."

The occupational III: "Whoa! Too much evidence!"

The silent: hnd him a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers, then walk away shaking your head sympathetically.

Merry Monteleone said...

Whirlochre - bwa-ha-ha!!!

Moonie, you should stop, point, and laugh loudly... and then make references to anything and everything you can describe as 'small', 'tiny', or 'insignificant' in his presence... it'll likely make him more aware...

Jeanie W said...

Don't they have a law against this sort of thing? And shouldn't a lawyer know about it?

Kerry said...

so, you totally made my morning with that post. that is hilarious.

Anonymous said...

The guy's a typical lawyer. Into self and oblivious to others. Interesting character trait, though. I think I may steal it. Thanks for the idea....

David said...

I think that behavior has little to do with efficiency and a great deal to do with boorishness.

Susan said...

Has NO one complained? Jeanie's right, I think, he's asking for trouble.

My temptation would be a camera. Imagine the fun (or the cash) you could have afterwards.

It sounds like what you really need is a good old-fashioned Hall Monitor. "Five demerits!!"

Anonymous said...

Brings back nightmares of working in a similar office building, shaking my head. But I'd bet he does wash his hands, because he saves so much time taking care of everything else on the way in :)

Stephen Parrish said...

I'll speak up on behalf of all men: if women would like to pull down their pants on the way to the bathroom, just to show us guys how bad mannered we are, well, okay.

jnantz said...

Two comments:
1) I'd probably ask if he was in the pool/ some variation of the "shrinkage" issue.

2) If he's really efficient and tries to do too much at once, but does in fact wash his hands, I wouldn't want to be the next guy using that sink.



(Read it again if you're one of the ones scratching your head. It's okay, I'll wait)

Lisa said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! That's the funniest thing I've heard all week. Stephen, I'll confess to unbuttoning and unzipping sometimes on the way to the loo while I'm working...oh wait, I work from home :)

I think you ought to compose a poem to let the lawyer know that everybody CAN see him and post it on the men's room door.

Oh that's too funny!

Shelli said...

What a D%$## (Dork)
Shelli
http://faeriality.blogspot.com/

H. L. Dyer said...

Ew.

Tell him you're not interested in seeing how he fills out his briefs.

Justus M. Bowman said...

That's awful. Sue him! Oh wait, he's a lawyer. :(

Colorado Writer said...

My kids do this.

writtenwyrdd said...

I would complain. I mean, they might like to know he might flash their clients "on accident."

writtenwyrdd said...

Come to think of it, laughing loudly so you get his attention and saying, "Not impressed," as you struggled to keep in the guffaws might do the trick.

jason evans said...

Lawyer are pathetic with such things. I should know. I observe them all the time, being one. ;) Hopefully, I'm more discrete.

I just did a lawyer bathroom rant of my own over at my blog.

eluper said...

Of course he washes his hands; it's just that he's still peeing when he does it.

ggwritespoetry said...

Maybe there's an incontenance problem here...

rlshoff said...

Too funny.

You'll have to add this one to your FAQ on pornography on the site. (Unless you did it already)

jalexissmith said...

so now does a lawyer who is an only child really have any hope of avoiding self- absorbtion (is that a word?) and obliviousness?

because I am nearly both of those things.

moonie, you have flaws too.

moonrat said...

me?! pshaw. i'm flawless.

philologia said...

J., yes, she does. But hers are along the lines of "excess of awesomeness" and "

I like simply giving a glance down, snickering, and saying really loudly, "I've seen better."

philologia said...

sorry didn't finish! "excess of awesomeness" and "overabundance of kindness"


grr I hate when I press send before I'm actually done!

Ebony McKenna. said...

Four words
Hidden camera. You Tube.

Julie Weathers said...

I would probably trip him and see if anything breaks.

If you are not so inclined, race in front of him and block the door to the men's room. Tell him you're interested and come on to him. I mean obviously, he's letting you know he's interested. Don't take no for an answer and don't let him in the men's room.

I'm sorry, it just amuses me to think of blocking a guy out of the men's room who is holding his business in his hand.

Perverted. I know.