Sunday, October 26, 2008

Love in the Time of Laundry

[on the way to the laundromat]

Rally Monkey: We only have $10. I might have to get more money.
YT: No, $10 will be more than enough.
RM: With all this?! I bet it won't!
YT: Trust me, it will be just fine.
RM: You can't go and jam all of this into one washer!
YT: Wanna bet?
RM: You really remind me of my mother sometimes.
YT: *I* remind you of *your* mother?!
RM: Yeah. She always wanted to do everything her own way, even when she didn't know what she was doing. Then she would go and screw everything up and my father, who was right all along, would have to come and fix everything.
YT: Don't talk to me about your father and laundry!! Your father is the one who reserved all the bacon fat and lumpia frying oil and made soap out of it!
RM: You're right, that was stupid.
YT: You kids walked around smelling like fried breakfast!
RM: That was one time only.

[later, coming home]

RM: I can't believe you rushed off from the laundromat without drying any of your clothes just because you can't stand around and wait for a dryer to be free.
YT: Dude, I have to be somewhere in like an hour. I don't have time to dry. I'll hang these up to dry at home.
RM: Everything will smell like mold!
YT: It will be just fine.
RM: Your life is toooo important to have clean clothes and to not smell like dirty socks?
YT: That's right.
RM: You know what you remind me of? The little kid story with the grasshopper and the ant. The ant works hard all summer to save up for the winter, and the grasshopper just plays around.
YT: Then the kids come and fry the ants with their magnifying glass?
RM: No, then the grasshopper comes and steals the ant's socks.

[later, hanging up all the undried socks and underwear everywhere in the house]

RM: You really need to do your laundry more often! Then you wouldn't run out of your own socks and have to steal mine like a sock monster.
YT: You know, maybe you should seek help for your persecution complex. After all, look at all the trouble a persecution complex got Nixon into.
RM: I recognize these socks! I bought them with my own money!
YT: Wow. How troubling. I'm really worried about you, because I think that you actually believe that these were once your socks. The most insidious kind of persecution complex of all.
RM: [weeps]

[suspending socks on a shoestring tied between doors]

RM: This will never work! This was a bad idea!
YT: You wouldn't know a bad idea if it hit you in the head. Or you wouldn't have gotten mixed up with me in the first place.
RM: You're right! Bad idea!

[He's now on the phone with my mother. Boo.]


JES said...

Ah yes. All the self-help books talk about the importance of "healthy" "conversations" about sex, money, and children. Sadly missing is all the advice for couples in the throes of "We completely disagree on the use of the [insert appliance here] -- I'm telling, you, it's IMPOSSIBLE!" debates.

Couldn't help noticing that when he turned to Momrat, you did one of those I'll fix him! moves and turned to your blog. Smooth.

Terrific title for this post, btw. (I was going to compliment you on the dialogue, too, but I have this creepy feeling you didn't make much of it up.)

Kaytie M. Lee said...

You two have the best dialogue.

Briane P said...

I now want to make my own kids go around smelling like breakfast.

Thanks for the laugh; and Jes -- Revenge is a dish best served on a blog.

jalexissmith said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather said...

Bacon fat and lumpia oil soap?!

JES said...

Briane P: I like the updated saying about revenge!

There's another old saying, advice for politicians who are annoyed with their press coverage. It goes something like "Never get into a public fight with somebody who buys ink by the barrel." There's probably a bloggish version of that one, too.

moonrat said...

heehee. it's true, a blogging enemy is the worst kind to have!!

but at the same time, he called my MOTHER, for crying out loud! what did he think was going to happen?!

AC said...

You should write a book just so you can use this fantabuluos blog title as your book title.