Monday, August 04, 2008

pickup line of the day

Guy: You single?

YT: Uh... no.

Guy: Feel like cheating?

YT: Uh... no.

Guy: Want my number just in case?

YT: Uh... no.

Guy: Well, will you at least tell him he's a lucky guy for me?

YT: As a matter of fact, I will!


Charles Gramlich said...

Well, no attempt at dissembling there.

eluper said...

Here's my strange interaction of the day:

My son (age 7): Dad, isn't it true that God is all of our fathers?

Me: I suppose.

My son: And isn't it true that Jesus is his son?

Me: Some people believe that.

My son: Wouldn't that make Jesus my brother?

Me: (wanting to say "go ask your mother") I suppose...

My son: Then how come he isn't doing half of the chores around here?

Me: Go ask your mother.

Ian said...

I'm reminded of a night in a grocery store when I was working there and a guy tried to pick up one of my coworkers (who happened to be a lesbian).

He: Hey, you seein' anybody?

She: Yes, I'm married.

He: Is it serious?

She: Yes. And she's a woman.

He: Oh, that's cool, that's cool. [long pause] Can I watch?

We all pretty well lost it after that.

Sprizouse said...

I don't have the best pickup lines but I always get lovely responses.

Hey baby, what's your sign?
Do not enter.

What's it like being the most attractive person here?
You'll never know.

It's tough getting served here. What are you having in case I get served first?
An attack of nausea.

I think I could make you very happy.
Why, are you leaving?

Me: I'd go through anything for you.
Great, the exit's right over there.

ilyakogan said...

Me and my wife this weekend in Philadelphia. We are walking home from seeing "Mongol" and eating at a vegetarian Chinese place.

A man with visible signs of substance abuse asks us for spare change. We both vigorously shake our heads.

The foretold substance abuser addresses my college professor wife who happen to be an African American, "How could you be with this white man and won't give your brother some spare change?"

My wife stops, looks at him, and says, "Say, brother, will our kids be your brothers too?"

The man nods unsure of the question.

"So... You have a problem with me married to your daddy?"


ilyakogan said...

I have an anthropological question for you...

Do guys now give their numbers instead of asking for yours? And then what, you are supposed to call them and ask them out?

moonrat said...

See, my roommate asked the same thing. What would ACTUALLY have happened if I'd been like, "Hey, you know what? I DO feel like cheating! Let's get it on! My place or yours?" She suspects that he would have been paralyzed with fear and/or confusion, and that actually most people in the "hit-on" scenario only go into it expecting to be rebuffed.

Which raises even curiouser anthropological questions.

ilyakogan said...

Hm... Maybe... Maybe not...

I have two testimonies from two very different people living continents apart.

P1: A gorgeous woman.

A freak of nature. Never uses any makeup, dresses plainly - people turn their heads when they see her. She is in her forties now, still gorgeous. All her life she had the hardest luck with men. She was tipsy once and confessed that only assholes ask her out; nice guys are too intimidated...

P2: An asshole.

This guy is short, started to go bald early, never been in shape. I mean fifty yard run is too far. He was constantly bragging about his conquests. I thought he was lying till one corporate party he showed up with a knockout and then a few months later with a different knockout. He said his 'secret' is this: he asks hundreds of women a week. One in twenty gives him her number; out of those one in twenty goes to bed with him... It's the law of statistics. If one in four hundred takes the bait and you ask a couple of hundreds a week - you do the math.

Precie said...

LMAO! How, um, cordial of him.

I have to respectfully disagree with your roommate. I've know a few dogs who, given such an opportunity, would actually go find a dark corner and hook up.

But one never knows. Perhaps that pickup guy really did think you could be the love of his life. If he went into it expecting rejection, well, that's fodder for a great short story.

Jennifer L. Griffith said...


Conduit said...

My randly old bugger of a grandfather had a favourite pick up line which he continued to use until his very last days (he even tried it on the nurses in hospital). It was as follows:

"I've lost my phone number - can I borrow yours?"

Conduit said...

That should have been 'randy', not 'randly'! :S

Haste yee back ;-) said...

Here, in Arkansas, the best pick up line is...

"I like your tooth!"

Haste yee back ;-)

writtenwyrdd said...

That is hilarious. Never had a pickup line like that. My most embarrassing brush off, however, was when I was in the Army. The future hubs asked me out. Painfully shy me: Uh, no, I have to shine my boots. He looked at me funny. You know it's Friday, right? And that we don't go back to work until Monday? We went out. Even though we've been divorced for 21 years, he still likes to tease me about that when we chat. (Yes, we are still friendly.)

Anonymous said...

No guy would be paralyzed,
I work with men all day.
If any woman walked into the office and proclaimed she'd have sex with the first person who got his pants off, all of their pants would be at their ankles.

Natalie Hatch said...

oh wow very interesting pick up line, it's amazing where peoples drives are. At least you can take the opinion that you've got it going on... wait until you've had a few kids and they ask if you're the childs grandmother... that's when you need to ditch the trackydacks and start taking care of yourself.

ilyakogan said...

Anon: I think you have a warped perception of men. I've been married for over nine years and never cheated on my wife.

I remember on my previous job I had lunch with one of the female coworkers. We were friendly for a while before that. We were done and then she goes, "Next time come over. I only live four blocks away... I'll make you lunch." I didn't know what to say. I said something stupid like "I'll think about it..."

Get this! A week later we were in the elevator - (How corny is that?) and she... Cornered me - full body press, heavy breathing, tried to kiss me. It was the most embarrassing scene in my life. And I felt violated...

Years later I told about the episode to a friend of mine - another family man. He told me a story that on the train a woman tried to pick him up once - gave him her phone number. He was very confused about it for a few minutes, then tossed it into the garbage can...

Not all men are dogs. Heck not all dogs are dogs.

angelle said...

haha. did i ever tell u abt the time me and lu were walking down the street and a guy rode by on a bike and went, "yum yum dim dum"? if it weren't so creative, it might have been offensive.

re: the scattershot method - did i tell you about the time this squirrely looking man cornered me on a sidewalk on my walk from CPW to 76th and bway and shoved his business card in my hand? "sorry sorry - ss-sorry to bother you," he stammered. "i just wanted to let you know how beautiful you are and give you this." after shoving the business card in my hand, he apologized for bothering me again and ran away.

the best part is, i was meeting jenn for gelato. she was 15 min late. after we got our ice cream, we were walking to the natural history museum, when i was like, the funniest thing just happened, and related the tale. her eyes grew big, and she went, "somebody gave me his business card too!" we both pull out the cards, flip them over -- same guy!

either he has a fetish for asian women or he's just handing them out to just about anybody.

pacatrue said...

I'm imagining Wyrdd now with 100 foot tall boots.

angelle said...

oh! my extra long comment didn't post! :(