Wednesday, August 13, 2008

a heartfelt letter

Dear Gods of Publishing,

Hi. It's me, Moonrat. I know You know who I am, because occasionally You tamper with my largely hum-drum destiny in strange ways. For example, You pulled a couple of stunts these last few months in dropping some crazy projects on my desk. Then, You gave me hope that I might actually be able to acquire them. Of course, You know all this already.

The reason I'm writing today is to apologize. I'm afraid that maybe the tears, screaming, eye-gouging, and tooth-gnashing in Your general direction that has been perpetrated over the last couple of days by, well, me might have been taken poorly. I hope that You don't think I was cursing You or even cursing at You. I was merely cursing to You. I hope You will interpret this as a further acknowledgment on my part of the magnitude of Your powers and my absolute subjection to them. A gesture of my respect, as it were.

I think it's fair to say that I don't call upon You very often. That I'm pretty zen and realistic. You know that I try not to get my hopes up until I'm holding a deal memo in my hand. Which might have given You a wrong impression about me--that I don't care enough, maybe.

Well, today You actually broke my heart. I think You know why. You really caught me by surprise this time. The disappointment has hit in the way I believe You meant it to. I just want to make sure that You knew I got the message, and that I do in fact understand that there is absolutely such thing as destiny and fate in book publishing, and that the sin of trying to outwit destiny will be punished.

So thank You, Publishing Gods, for making sure I learned this Valuable Life Lesson. And really, I have learned it. I know I put up a brave front all day at the office, but please believe me when I say I was crying on the inside. Hard.

Thanks for Your time and obviously very personal attention in these matters. I know this letter might be misconstrued as sarcastic, but please believe that I am so very grateful for being reminded of my place that every cell of my lowly body is quivering and collapsing in awe of Your magnanimousness. Every. Cell.

Love and obeisances,

Moonrat

30 comments:

JES said...

Awwwww... I hate that kind of day. And you're much more professional in dealing with The Gods than I've ever been. (Which probably explains why you're sitting there and I'm here.)

Watch "The Wind Beneath My Wings" or something tonight. Something that will trigger the floodgates so you can flush it all out while pretending you're actually crying about something else. Then follow it up with, I don't know... "Young Frankenstein" or "Something About Mary" or "Footloose." The poisons will be gone by morning.

ilyakogan said...

I'm so sorry for your loss...

Forgive my stupid question but did the author(s) found a better deal or it didn't get internal approval?

H. L. Dyer said...

I'm sorry the gods of publishing had to use this project today to prove evil points.

But maybe that's just to free you up for the next, even-more-miraculous project. :)

Anonymous said...

Wow.

I don't know how you're going to take this, my dear, but I got laid off today -- newspaper publishing -- and I'm not as grieved for my situation as I am for yours. However else this feels for you right now, please remember this: Any career setback that can still give you this sort of heartache also has the happy side effect of telling you that you still love and care about this industry. The fact that I'm basically shrugging about a 100% salary cut -- and that I think of it mainly *as* a salary drop, not the loss of a national venue or the split from colleagues or the lost chances to write about things that matter -- tells you everything you need to know about what it's like when you lose that feeling.

Revel in raging, still, at the losses. Means you still give a damn about the game.

Back to lurking --
A reader once much like you, and glad that some folks in publishing still are.

Southern Writer said...

I know it's hard to believe right now, but there's a reason for everything. This one means that you'll be in the right place at the right time for something that's meant to be. Something even better. Hang in there.

Amy MacKinnon said...

So sorry.

ChrisEldin said...

I think I want to shoot myself. But maybe you first for making me depressed. Boo.


Moonie, I'm not so fatalistic as all that. This sounds like a really sucky day and sounds like you have every reason to feel the way you do. Good news is you're smart enough not to make this mistake again, whatever that mistake was, and talented and young enough to get plenty more chances. Plenty.

Merry Monteleone said...

Moonie,

For once, I shall hold my long and windy comments meant to sooth...

I'm simply sending cyber hugs.

Jolie said...

Oh, honey. What happened? Well, I guess you probably can't say.

I agree with what the first commenter Jes said, but I usually go for the quicker method of having my good cry sans-movie and then going straight to sleep. In fact, it's best to be in bed when you cry so that you don't have to move afterward. When I wake up, I feel better. Not necessarily great, but better.

*cuddles your broken heart*

pacatrue said...

Here you go:

Link

Southern Writer said...

Pacatrue, I don't know about Moonrat, but that video made me feel great! I sent it around to people who won't see it here. Thanks for the link!

moonrat said...

thanks, guys. wish i could tell you all the grim details.

free hugs for all!

Precie said...

HUGS and cyber rainbows going out to you.

Jill Myles said...

Poor Moonrat. Whatever happened, you deserved better!

Susan Adrian said...

Aw, moonrat, I'm so sorry!!

This business can be evil on both sides, eh?

It is an excellent sign that you care that much about it. {HUGS}

Conduit said...

I'd love to know what kind of project prompted this emotional response.

ggwritespoetry said...

Sorry to hear that you're so upset. I hope everything gets better for you.

cindy said...

oh no. =(

*hugs*

Susan said...

Hmmm....sounds like the gods need appeasing. A sacrifice perhaps?

Is there anyone in the office you don't particularly like?

Oh well. Hopefully the Gods O'Publishing see your courage and contrition and reward you, mightily.

Anonymous said...

Boy, hope someday I get an editor like yourself. So passionate. I love it.

But in this situation you are experiencing now, it must hurt and that is a damn shame. And I extend my condolences. The gods can truly be cruel.

I'm hopping when my turn comes that the publishing gods will grant me the pleasure of an editor as fine as yourself. Do you ever edit detective thrillers? If so I'll light a candle that one day our professional paths cross.

Again, sorry for your pain. But passion is a good thing most of the time. But, like today, the flip-side makes for a bad time. Hopefully your mourning will pass quickly.

Jennifer L. Griffith said...

Moonie,

God knows your heart and loves you. He uses times like this to reveal our hearts to ourselves...good and bad. You have such a passion for your work AND for people. He will only show you what will help keep that fire alive. He's good that way. I pray for peace and hope and light to shine forth to complete the work. Thanks for sharing your pain. I could truly feel it, as I've been there too many times. Right now, as a matter of fact.

Blessings to you, Moonie!!! You are loved.

cindy said...

i actually burn incense to the publishing gods...at least in my head.

Ello said...

Poor Moonie! That's just not right. I'm so sad to hear you are sad.

Joe Iriarte said...

Damn. :( I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

It's a full moon, isn't it? Gotta be. Earlier this week agent Jessica @Bookends insisted she wasn't a goddess of publishing. And then I come here to find Moonrat praying to one! (Or trying to!)

Know what I do when I need to appease the gods? I go for a whole day not making faces behind my husband's back when he makes stupid comments. And if that doesn't work I force myself to think charitable thoughts about Al Gore.

But that's just me. Hope you feel better soon!

Southern Writer said...

I hope a good night's sleep has taken a bit of the edge off. Here's wishing you a day with at least one dream fulfilled.

Sherri said...

I'm a zen-type person, too, and when things make me feel like this I can be pretty sure it was because it was because I was trying to force something that wasn't right. It seems you've already gotten that part, though. You gotta listen to the Gods, or they will yell louder.

I hope it all works out for you, Moonrat.

Write a Book said...

Eat a plate of pasta with butter. It cures a lot (and will put you to sleep). Tomorrow is always a bit better, or at least different. Just discovered you and your blog...will be back to find out what happens.

Anonymous said...

Ah, sucky day. Free hugs from me, too. Paca's link made me all misty eyed. Hope it helped you, too, Moonie.

writtenwyrdd

Julie Weathers said...

Moonie,

Sorry you had such a rotten day, but it does give an insight into the depths of your passion for this business. When I get an agent, I hope they find someone like you if not you. That kind of dedication is remarkable.

I've had a few of those experiences, maybe more than a few. Garth Brooks has a song called Unanswered Prayers. I try to think it just means something better is waiting for me when crap happens.

One thing that should make you feel good is knowing so many people care that you are feeling down.

Paca, thanks for that link. I put it in my "things that amuse me" collection on my blog.