Melanie has decorating the walls of her bathroom a number of posters she had to make for in fifth grade for her English class for a project about how not to write. They are in multi-colored magic marker and each one contains an example of a bad simile or metaphor. This is why whenever I pee at her house it takes me an unusually long time--I have to read each and every one of them.
Some of my favorites:
The small boat glided gently across the pond, exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds that had also never met.
His thoughts tumbled around in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without any Cling Free.
He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.
Her eyes were like big brown circles with little black circles in the middle.
His vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.