Monday, October 01, 2007

Editorial is not a [sex] service industry

Dear Author, who shall go forth unnamed,

Yes, it's true, you have had a long-standing commitment to my company that admittedly stems back to a time before I was born, and yes, you've made us rather a pretty penny on backlisting copies of your book.

Yes, Robert the Publisher has asked me specifically to do what I can to get on your good side and coax your overdue manuscript out of you (n.b. Robert's suggestions were to take you out for lunch and to send you charming books).

Yes, I, unlike all the editors you've dealt with before, happen to have lady parts, which apparently you find endlessly fascinating.

Yes, I am young (and possibly by default stupid) and yes I'm wearing a well-tailored green tweed skirt suit and these rather adorable Nine West ankle-strap brown pumps that Eva Peron herself would have drooled over.

However, even all of these statements added together do not mean that

1) I am required to sleep with you;
2) I am going to sleep with you;
3) I find you in any way remotely attractive;
4) I, as your editor, would sleep with you even IF I found you EXTREMELY attractive;
5) I would ever consider sleeping with even the MOST ATTRACTIVE MAN IN THE WORLD if he were MARRIED;
6) I enjoy listening to you talk about your international sexual conquests over a lunch that YOU ordered for me (hello?! feminine volition?! what could that be?!);
7) I don't feel terrible for your wife, who seems like a very nice (if down-trodden) lady
8) I don't find your behavior utterly repulsive and slimy;
9) I want to spend any of my evenings with you, when I spend so much time doing work things during the day when I'm paid to.

Those are just some things for you to think about.

Sincerely,

Moonrat

5 comments:

David L. McAfee said...

Darn. I knew I was going too far asking for your name and address. :)

Ugh. Guy sounds like a real oinker. Sorry, moonrat. We aren't all like that.

moonrat said...

yeah, i know. thank goodness.

the publicist consoles me that "men of a certain generation just can't turn it off."

Jill Myles said...

Dear lord. Ordering food for you? Next time pretend a food allergy. Not only will he look like a fool but you can get out of lunch! Hooray!

PS - Skirt sounds faboo.

cyn said...

yikes, i'm reading the boleyn inheritance right now and he sounds like a delusional fifty year old henry VIII.

MeganRebekah said...

I just came to this post from today's backlink post.

First off, OMG this is hilariously sad. When I worked as a child abuse investigator I used to get dad's who would ask me out. I'm there to see if they're beating their kids (ha-I used all variations of "there") and they just want to think about dating/sleeping with me.

Secondly, I love Eva Peron! I've been researching her recently and just ordered some of her biographies from Amazon. What a fascinating woman.

Thanks for sharing a link to this post. It was awesome!