Thursday, May 17, 2007

wanted: one life guru

Now accepting applications.

Qualifications: Candidates must be total hard-asses with good insight into the twisted workings of an overly neurotic brain. Tough-love specialists preferred. Experience in the field of life-guruing not necessary but special consideration will be made based on wittyness of cover letter.

Responsibilities: Checks in weekly with the Spaz. Helps Spaz prioritize and rationalize goals, and forces Spaz to try to make weekly progress toward stated goals.

Compensation: $35 a year, payable in coffee and/or unwanted pasta dinners

Benefits: health [advice from a former health book editor with no other qualifications], dental [rot--there's a lot of chocolate around here], a sense of self-worth when you realize that you're actually a relatively successful member of society

Serious applicants only, please. Realists need not apply.

4 comments:

Aparna said...

i'm on board, spaz! we work overtime at soulmates 'r' us. bennies include 401krazy, medical attrition/dental decay, and occasional pizza partiessssss.

angelle said...

yeah.... thats not happening on this end. i can, however, offer you more chocolate and goodies, and eat with you whenever you DO spaz.

jalexissmith said...

Oh man, I thought I was the perfect candidate until I read, "Realists need not apply."

I was told last week that my practicality sometimes seems heartless. Heartless? I am heartless? Harrumpf! I disagree.

moonrat said...

nonsense. practicality is your way of *showing* your love.