Thursday, May 17, 2007

wanted: one life guru

Now accepting applications.

Qualifications: Candidates must be total hard-asses with good insight into the twisted workings of an overly neurotic brain. Tough-love specialists preferred. Experience in the field of life-guruing not necessary but special consideration will be made based on wittyness of cover letter.

Responsibilities: Checks in weekly with the Spaz. Helps Spaz prioritize and rationalize goals, and forces Spaz to try to make weekly progress toward stated goals.

Compensation: $35 a year, payable in coffee and/or unwanted pasta dinners

Benefits: health [advice from a former health book editor with no other qualifications], dental [rot--there's a lot of chocolate around here], a sense of self-worth when you realize that you're actually a relatively successful member of society

Serious applicants only, please. Realists need not apply.


Aparna said...

i'm on board, spaz! we work overtime at soulmates 'r' us. bennies include 401krazy, medical attrition/dental decay, and occasional pizza partiessssss.

angelle said...

yeah.... thats not happening on this end. i can, however, offer you more chocolate and goodies, and eat with you whenever you DO spaz.

jalexissmith said...

Oh man, I thought I was the perfect candidate until I read, "Realists need not apply."

I was told last week that my practicality sometimes seems heartless. Heartless? I am heartless? Harrumpf! I disagree.

moonrat said...

nonsense. practicality is your way of *showing* your love.