Sunday, November 12, 2006

at long last

my 18-year-old brother has discovered the wealth & bounty of having a twin sister. Who goes to college in New York. Ie a wealth of bloodthirsty nubile female friends who have never seen a straight man. Really the poor boy was the victim here; he was properly preyed upon.

His side of the story: they were having a nice casual late-night dorm party in my sister's friend's room (they, of course, being him and a little bevy of coeds. I hate the word coeds, by the way; I use it here ironically. But I do use it.). He, unsuspecting beast, gets up to go have himself a pee. When he gets back, all the lights are off and the girls are passed out in the two twin beds. In the darkness, a lithe arm extends towards him. "There's room over here."

My mother called me on Saturday (a full week after my brother's victimization) and left me a voicemail wanting to know about the "hickeys" on his neck. I put "hickeys" in quotation marks here because really it looked more like he'd been in a bike accident. "Is he dating a vampire?" my mother wanted to know.

What I want to know is why my brother has been too lazy to take advantage of this abundant opportunity before now. I understand that my sister wouldn't be interested in my brother's lanky-haired grass-smoking hippy friends, but her friends, as a rule, are fairly attractive, flirtatious, and, apparently, randy. But he does now say he's thinking about moving here. Yes, single straight men. Flock to New York. There are beautiful desperate women everywhere. Just don't forget to bring a scarf in case you have to see your mother.

1 comment:

jalexissmith said...

I just had to leave the staffroom after reading this. I love it.